I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee
My blessed Savior
I surrender all.
Do these lyrics sound familiar? This is a beautiful hymn written by Rev. Judson Wheeler Van De Venter in 1896. No offense to his parents, but that name is a MOUTHFUL. I think I would've just not given my child a middle name if we were set on naming him Judson and had a last name like Van De Venter. Phew.
On a more serious note, Rev. Judson wrote this hymn as a response to his personal struggle with the Lord to give up his full time work as a supervisor of the arts at a high school in Sharon, PA and to enter full time music evangelism. (He was a talented singer!) He wrestled with this decision for 5 years. Finally falling on his knees he told God, "If You want me to give my full time to Thy work, I'll do it, I surrender all to Thee." (Morgan, Robert J. Then Sings My Soul - Special Edition) For the next several years, he travelled throughout the US, England, and Scotland, preaching the Message of Christ.
In 1923, he moved to Tampa, FL to teach hymnology at Florida Bible Institute. After several years, he retired but still returned to campus to lecture or speak in the chapel. In the 1930's, Rev. Judson was speaking at the university and what he had to say captured one of the students in the lecture hall. Rev. Judson probably had no idea the influence that taking place and the Divine Appointment that lecture must have been. The wide-eyed student, listening intently, was Billy Graham.
We sang this hymn today in church. I'm writing about it, because while singing it, I made a very careless error...an error that honestly revealed the natural state of my heart. I wanted to share this with you, because I feel certain I'm not the only one that struggles with this. Here is what I sang before catching myself:
I surrender all
I surrender all
All to ME
My blessed Savior
I surrender all.
The immediate realization of what I'd just sung ripped me out of my worshipful stance (sometimes I sing with my eyes closed and hands raised...) and I shook my head...thinking "I didn't mean to say that."
But did I...mean to?
All to me. Selfish. Naturally selfish. Born selfish. Sinfully selfish. Subtly selfish. Obviously selfish. Quietly selfish. Obnoxiously selfish. All to me. I surrender all...as long as it's to me. That is a natural response of a sinful heart. Every one of us has this heart problem. We are ALL naturally, born selfish people. Me, me, me me mememememe!!!!!!!!!! Isn't this what you inwardly cry sometimes...what about me??? I do. I so do. Just ask my husband if you don't believe me.
I could have easily sloughed this off of my shoulders as an easy mistake...Thee and me rhyme for crying out loud. Honest mistake, right? Honest admittance is more like it. Honest confession. I've not been able to get it out of my head all day. I'm selfish. And I'm not proud of it. It shows up in little ways and in not so little ways. Here is just one of many examples:
I don't generally do the dishes in my house (hubby and I have this agreement...don't be jealous)...but occasionally the dishes sit for longer than I'd like by the sink, soaking, or just sitting and waiting. And I'll see them...perfectly capable of doing them myself...and I'll say something like, "Hey, do you want help with the dishes?" But in my heart I'm really saying "I am reminding you to do them and I have no intention of helping. Surfing on my computer or phone is WAY more important to me than doing the dishes." I could say to him, "Babe, you like you're enjoying what you're doing; why don't I do the dishes tonight?"
But my MO is to be selfish.
I'm thankful for Christ's death and resurrection...this gives me freedom from the dominion of sin in my life. This does not mean that I'll never sin again...it means sin no longer holds any power over me. Because of Christ, I am free. Free from the death of sin. Forgiven from my sin. Redeemed from my sin.
To Him, and Him only...I surrender all.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
What Have We Been Up To?
So it's been a while...I hope your holidays were great! Here is a quick recap and maybe then you'll understand the slight blogging hiatus.
Dec. 20 - KWood came into town and spent the night with us:) Miss her. Enjoy Costa Rica chic!
Dec. 21 - I met Ashely W. halfway in London, KY for lunch at Crackerbarrel, but mostly for the warm conversation and catching up time. I love her heart for Haiti.
Dec. 21 late at night - newlywed cousin Hannah and her beau stopped at our place to rest between Boone and Nashville...spent the night and had pancake breakfast in the a.m.
Dec. 22 - We left for my mom's house.
Dec. 23 - Christmas with my extended family in Cary, NC and then driving to the in-laws.
Dec. 24 - Christmas Eve at our former church in Durham, NC - so nice to see some familiar faces.
Dec. 25 - Christmas at hubby's family's house (my first Christmas without my family), late lunch with his grandma and games all afternoon.
Dec. 26 - Breakfast with sweet Meghan - miss her being right down the hallway.
Dec. 27 - Breakfast with Lori and Pat - miss their hallway closeness as well.
Dec. 28 - Drove to see Holly and Andrew in their new house! Spent the night in Wilson, NC. Thanks for gingerbread cookies and a great visit.
Dec. 29 - Stopped in Raleigh to see Kristin and Erik's new home! Dinner:)
Dec. 29 - LoYo with Kristy and Lauren (!!!!!)
Dec. 30 - Drove back to my mom's and had Christmas with mom, Mandy and her hubby.
Dec. 31 - Saw Shannon and her new home!!!!! Spent some of NYE with her and Eric and other friends at dinner and Buckhead's Saloon.
Jan. 1 - drove back to Knoxville
Jan. 2 - hubby returned to work
Jan. 3 - I returned to work with my increase in hours (29.5 hrs a week now!)
Whirlwind right? Yup. But really fun.
Now, since we've returned...
Jan. 7 - Bible Study is back in session:)
Jan. 8 - Great Expectations class began (I'm teaching a parenting and life skills class for first time moms)
Jan. 12 - We took down our tree and all Christmas decorations - sad day.
Sorry I don't have pictures...I didn't take many and honestly, I don't know how to add pictures to a blog yet! I have a lot to learn.
Hubby and I very much enjoyed our Christmas travels and all the family time. We are both glad to be home though and resume a more "normal" routine.
Phew!
Dec. 20 - KWood came into town and spent the night with us:) Miss her. Enjoy Costa Rica chic!
Dec. 21 - I met Ashely W. halfway in London, KY for lunch at Crackerbarrel, but mostly for the warm conversation and catching up time. I love her heart for Haiti.
Dec. 21 late at night - newlywed cousin Hannah and her beau stopped at our place to rest between Boone and Nashville...spent the night and had pancake breakfast in the a.m.
Dec. 22 - We left for my mom's house.
Dec. 23 - Christmas with my extended family in Cary, NC and then driving to the in-laws.
Dec. 24 - Christmas Eve at our former church in Durham, NC - so nice to see some familiar faces.
Dec. 25 - Christmas at hubby's family's house (my first Christmas without my family), late lunch with his grandma and games all afternoon.
Dec. 26 - Breakfast with sweet Meghan - miss her being right down the hallway.
Dec. 27 - Breakfast with Lori and Pat - miss their hallway closeness as well.
Dec. 28 - Drove to see Holly and Andrew in their new house! Spent the night in Wilson, NC. Thanks for gingerbread cookies and a great visit.
Dec. 29 - Stopped in Raleigh to see Kristin and Erik's new home! Dinner:)
Dec. 29 - LoYo with Kristy and Lauren (!!!!!)
Dec. 30 - Drove back to my mom's and had Christmas with mom, Mandy and her hubby.
Dec. 31 - Saw Shannon and her new home!!!!! Spent some of NYE with her and Eric and other friends at dinner and Buckhead's Saloon.
Jan. 1 - drove back to Knoxville
Jan. 2 - hubby returned to work
Jan. 3 - I returned to work with my increase in hours (29.5 hrs a week now!)
Whirlwind right? Yup. But really fun.
Now, since we've returned...
Jan. 7 - Bible Study is back in session:)
Jan. 8 - Great Expectations class began (I'm teaching a parenting and life skills class for first time moms)
Jan. 12 - We took down our tree and all Christmas decorations - sad day.
Sorry I don't have pictures...I didn't take many and honestly, I don't know how to add pictures to a blog yet! I have a lot to learn.
Hubby and I very much enjoyed our Christmas travels and all the family time. We are both glad to be home though and resume a more "normal" routine.
Phew!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Finding Hope Amidst Impatience and Grief
The past few weeks I've found it very hard to be patient and content with where I am in life right now. I'm not sure why I've been so pouty about it lately...all I know is that I have been and it's not good. The things that I want and desire are good things but being all "down in the dumps" about not having these things right NOW....not-so-good. (cue:CanyoutellthatIworkinapreschool?)
Things I have yearned for lately include:
1. A kitten:) If you're a cat person, this needs no explanation whatsoever. If you're a dog person, imagine it says "A puppy" and you'll get the picture.
2. A house to have the kitten play in. No I don't mean a kitty playhouse...I mean an adult house so that I don't have to give our apartment complex some outrageous pet fee just to save a sweet little kitten from getting euthanized at an overcrowded shelter. If I can adopt the kitten for under $20 why do apartment complexes think they have the right to charge like $300 to keep it in my apartment???? Sheesh. Also, paying rent is like throwing money away...and even though I understand that we have NO CLUE where we'll be in July 2014 (thus why we have to rent right now) and that it would be silly to buy a house for only 1.5 years of guaranteed living in it.....I just.....ugh. Eventually it would be kinda nice to own something house-like...(soIcangetakitten).
3. Kids...this is in two parts...
A. I'm reaching a point where I'd like to have a baby. At least in theory. In reality, I just think I'd be really cute pregnant (which is probably a big fairy tale...like watching Disney movies and expecting relationships to be like that)...The idea of having a baby sounds like fun...until you see a frazzled new mom who doesn't get enough sleep and the baby cries allthetime!!!!!!!! That doesn't sound like fun...so on to part B.
B. Hubby and I feel overwhelmingly called to adopt. I cannot tell you how awesome it is to live in an area and go to a church where adoptions are very common:) I've learned a lot from talking to people and it gets me all jittery excited for us to start the process. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to waste time with things. I'd love for us to have started paperwork yesterday but realistically that is just not where we are right now. For a lot of reasons.
4. Then Friday happened. I'm a teacher...close in age to at least 2 of the teachers that were killed at Sandy Hook. I'm a sister. I'm a wife. I'm heartbroken over what happened. I spent the bulk of both Friday and Saturday crying, praying, and texting all of my teacher friends telling them how much I love them and adore them and wish I could hug them. I miss my students from NC. This weekend brought that to light. So I yearn for Jesus to come back, end this suffering, take me Home, and bring justice to this world. Romans 8:18-25 We yearn, we wait, we groan in waiting.
Throughout the past few weeks, when I've felt particularly overcome with a pity party or overwhelmed with grief, I've turned to a song. This song was introduced to me by the worship director at our church when someone you know decided it would be a good idea to join the Christmas Choir (hint - it was me, and it was not the best idea I assure you - but it was fun). He gave everyone a cd of the music we'd be singing. And really, up until the past 2 weeks I hadn't been practicing on my own at all and thus hadn't been listening to the cd, even though it's been in my car. But a few weeks ago we practiced this song for the bulk of our practice time and I knew...this song gave me the Hope I needed to emerge from the stupid pity parties I was throwing. It's so powerful. And it's the perfect reminder in light of my silly self, in light of the horror of Friday, in light of Christmas.
I've listened to it or sang it probably over 50 times in the past weeks...letting it remind me that He is here, and He's here to save. I'm so thankful I'm never alone. I'm so thankful that He is here to save me and love me and comfort me. I hope and pray that this song provides you with comfort and peace, reminding you what Christmas is really all about.
You can listen to it by clicking on the link below and watch a powerful video to go along with it.
"Here With Us" By Joy Williams
Things I have yearned for lately include:
1. A kitten:) If you're a cat person, this needs no explanation whatsoever. If you're a dog person, imagine it says "A puppy" and you'll get the picture.
2. A house to have the kitten play in. No I don't mean a kitty playhouse...I mean an adult house so that I don't have to give our apartment complex some outrageous pet fee just to save a sweet little kitten from getting euthanized at an overcrowded shelter. If I can adopt the kitten for under $20 why do apartment complexes think they have the right to charge like $300 to keep it in my apartment???? Sheesh. Also, paying rent is like throwing money away...and even though I understand that we have NO CLUE where we'll be in July 2014 (thus why we have to rent right now) and that it would be silly to buy a house for only 1.5 years of guaranteed living in it.....I just.....ugh. Eventually it would be kinda nice to own something house-like...(soIcangetakitten).
3. Kids...this is in two parts...
A. I'm reaching a point where I'd like to have a baby. At least in theory. In reality, I just think I'd be really cute pregnant (which is probably a big fairy tale...like watching Disney movies and expecting relationships to be like that)...The idea of having a baby sounds like fun...until you see a frazzled new mom who doesn't get enough sleep and the baby cries allthetime!!!!!!!! That doesn't sound like fun...so on to part B.
B. Hubby and I feel overwhelmingly called to adopt. I cannot tell you how awesome it is to live in an area and go to a church where adoptions are very common:) I've learned a lot from talking to people and it gets me all jittery excited for us to start the process. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to waste time with things. I'd love for us to have started paperwork yesterday but realistically that is just not where we are right now. For a lot of reasons.
4. Then Friday happened. I'm a teacher...close in age to at least 2 of the teachers that were killed at Sandy Hook. I'm a sister. I'm a wife. I'm heartbroken over what happened. I spent the bulk of both Friday and Saturday crying, praying, and texting all of my teacher friends telling them how much I love them and adore them and wish I could hug them. I miss my students from NC. This weekend brought that to light. So I yearn for Jesus to come back, end this suffering, take me Home, and bring justice to this world. Romans 8:18-25 We yearn, we wait, we groan in waiting.
Throughout the past few weeks, when I've felt particularly overcome with a pity party or overwhelmed with grief, I've turned to a song. This song was introduced to me by the worship director at our church when someone you know decided it would be a good idea to join the Christmas Choir (hint - it was me, and it was not the best idea I assure you - but it was fun). He gave everyone a cd of the music we'd be singing. And really, up until the past 2 weeks I hadn't been practicing on my own at all and thus hadn't been listening to the cd, even though it's been in my car. But a few weeks ago we practiced this song for the bulk of our practice time and I knew...this song gave me the Hope I needed to emerge from the stupid pity parties I was throwing. It's so powerful. And it's the perfect reminder in light of my silly self, in light of the horror of Friday, in light of Christmas.
I've listened to it or sang it probably over 50 times in the past weeks...letting it remind me that He is here, and He's here to save. I'm so thankful I'm never alone. I'm so thankful that He is here to save me and love me and comfort me. I hope and pray that this song provides you with comfort and peace, reminding you what Christmas is really all about.
You can listen to it by clicking on the link below and watch a powerful video to go along with it.
"Here With Us" By Joy Williams
Sunday, December 9, 2012
I'm ready...
...for Christmas!
Someone asked me last week if I was ready for Christmas and I responded with an excited, YES!
Here are reasons why I'm ready...in no particular order:
1. We picked out a lovely 7ft. Fraser Fir courtesy of Home Depot on Nov. 27 and my sweet hubby put all the lights on that same night!
2. All of the ornaments were placed on the tree, plus some silver icicley things I bought last year by Nov. 28.
3. As of a few days ago, ALL of my Christmas shopping/gifting AND wrapping is COMPLETE! Phew.
4. Our stockings are hung by the digital piano with care.
5. The Christmas dishes and place mats have been making an appearance since Nov. 26.
6. I bought cute decorations a week after Christmas LAST YEAR at 90% off the original price and got to use them THIS YEAR! I have garland on our banister, snowmen at the 1/2 way point on our stairs, over 30 new ornaments, and a Happy Holidays welcome mat.
6a. My mom moved into a new house and the people living there previously gave her a lot of their old things...and she gave what she didn't want to me and my sister! Score:) So I walked away with even more ornaments and a wreath for our front door!!!!
7. Our church is beautifully decorated!
8. The children's choir sang last week and the adult choir is singing next week - so fun!
9. I got a manicure (for free!) last week and made sure the color was as close to Christmas red as humanly possible.
10. We've attended our first of 3 Christmas parties already:) Yay for meeting hubby's work friends!
11. We went to the Oak Ridge Christmas Parade last night and it was so much fun. There were over 100 floats to see. It was a great parade, and we got some free candy to boot!
12. We have a basic traveling plan already laid out.
13. The series at our church this month is called Glimpse. We are going through the OT looking at glimpses of our Savior who is coming. It has been very good and rewarding.
14. I'm eagerly anticipating the celebration of Jesus' arrival. My Deliverer. Immanuel. God with me.
Are you ready?
Honestly now, this is the first year where I'm not seriously stressing about this holiday. It's very tempting to get stressed this time of year. But because of #14 on my list, I don't have to stress. And you don't either. He is coming. Whether your gifts are all bought, wrapped, and delivered on time, or not...whether your tree is up or not...whether you've drank egg nog already or not...He is coming...whether you visit your family or not...whether you sing carols or bah humbug your way through the season, Christ is coming. For you. For me.
He is coming because we need saving, and He loves us that much...to humble Himself in the form of man, to walk on earth, and deliver us from sin's grasp. He is coming to offer you freedom. This Christmas season, will you be set free? Or will you remain wrapped up in just a "snuggie" feel good Jesus that sounds nice, and looks cute in a nativity scene...never to really impact your life at all.
It's your choice.
Someone asked me last week if I was ready for Christmas and I responded with an excited, YES!
Here are reasons why I'm ready...in no particular order:
1. We picked out a lovely 7ft. Fraser Fir courtesy of Home Depot on Nov. 27 and my sweet hubby put all the lights on that same night!
2. All of the ornaments were placed on the tree, plus some silver icicley things I bought last year by Nov. 28.
3. As of a few days ago, ALL of my Christmas shopping/gifting AND wrapping is COMPLETE! Phew.
4. Our stockings are hung by the digital piano with care.
5. The Christmas dishes and place mats have been making an appearance since Nov. 26.
6. I bought cute decorations a week after Christmas LAST YEAR at 90% off the original price and got to use them THIS YEAR! I have garland on our banister, snowmen at the 1/2 way point on our stairs, over 30 new ornaments, and a Happy Holidays welcome mat.
6a. My mom moved into a new house and the people living there previously gave her a lot of their old things...and she gave what she didn't want to me and my sister! Score:) So I walked away with even more ornaments and a wreath for our front door!!!!
7. Our church is beautifully decorated!
8. The children's choir sang last week and the adult choir is singing next week - so fun!
9. I got a manicure (for free!) last week and made sure the color was as close to Christmas red as humanly possible.
10. We've attended our first of 3 Christmas parties already:) Yay for meeting hubby's work friends!
11. We went to the Oak Ridge Christmas Parade last night and it was so much fun. There were over 100 floats to see. It was a great parade, and we got some free candy to boot!
12. We have a basic traveling plan already laid out.
13. The series at our church this month is called Glimpse. We are going through the OT looking at glimpses of our Savior who is coming. It has been very good and rewarding.
14. I'm eagerly anticipating the celebration of Jesus' arrival. My Deliverer. Immanuel. God with me.
Are you ready?
Honestly now, this is the first year where I'm not seriously stressing about this holiday. It's very tempting to get stressed this time of year. But because of #14 on my list, I don't have to stress. And you don't either. He is coming. Whether your gifts are all bought, wrapped, and delivered on time, or not...whether your tree is up or not...whether you've drank egg nog already or not...He is coming...whether you visit your family or not...whether you sing carols or bah humbug your way through the season, Christ is coming. For you. For me.
He is coming because we need saving, and He loves us that much...to humble Himself in the form of man, to walk on earth, and deliver us from sin's grasp. He is coming to offer you freedom. This Christmas season, will you be set free? Or will you remain wrapped up in just a "snuggie" feel good Jesus that sounds nice, and looks cute in a nativity scene...never to really impact your life at all.
It's your choice.
Friday, November 30, 2012
30th Day of Thanksgiving
Well it's the last day of November. I can't believe how fast this month has flown by. I made a goal at the beginning of the month to blog every day about something I was thankful for. I didn't quite follow it religiously but I have still put forth a good effort I think. With that said, here is my last one:
Day 30 - I'm thankful that I know and serve a God that hears and answers prayers.
I've been going through a lot emotionally this week and today I finally feel hopeful. I know that it's because I spent a better part of yesterday evening talking to God and letting Him know what I was struggling with. Today I know He's lifted some of that burden by reminding me that He desires to encourage me strongly. And as long as I have Him, hope is NEVER lost.
Amen.
PS. If I blogged about this topic already I don't care. God deserves more blogs than anything else:)
Day 30 - I'm thankful that I know and serve a God that hears and answers prayers.
I've been going through a lot emotionally this week and today I finally feel hopeful. I know that it's because I spent a better part of yesterday evening talking to God and letting Him know what I was struggling with. Today I know He's lifted some of that burden by reminding me that He desires to encourage me strongly. And as long as I have Him, hope is NEVER lost.
Amen.
PS. If I blogged about this topic already I don't care. God deserves more blogs than anything else:)
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Behind! 26-27-28-29
26 - I'm thankful for the opportunities Hope Resource Center provides for women to hear about Jesus.
27 - I'm thankful for Christmas trees and how they smell!
28 - I'm thankful that it's okay to tell God how we really feel.
29 - I'm thankful for my fluffy robe that keeps me warm in the mornings.
Sorry I've not kept up with this very well right after Thanksgiving. One more day left!
27 - I'm thankful for Christmas trees and how they smell!
28 - I'm thankful that it's okay to tell God how we really feel.
29 - I'm thankful for my fluffy robe that keeps me warm in the mornings.
Sorry I've not kept up with this very well right after Thanksgiving. One more day left!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Days 24 & 25 of Thanks
Day 24 - My Grammy
She's 80 ya'll! I love her so much. She is smart, funny, brutally honest, a believer, a quilter, and an amazing grandmother. I love having so many family gatherings at her house! Even if she falls asleep while we are playing games:) She makes the best food (rolls!) and is truly a genuine person.
Day 25 - Christmas Music
Hey, it's after Thanksgiving so rock on the Christmas Cheer!
Fa la la la la la la la la. Enough said.
She's 80 ya'll! I love her so much. She is smart, funny, brutally honest, a believer, a quilter, and an amazing grandmother. I love having so many family gatherings at her house! Even if she falls asleep while we are playing games:) She makes the best food (rolls!) and is truly a genuine person.
Day 25 - Christmas Music
Hey, it's after Thanksgiving so rock on the Christmas Cheer!
Fa la la la la la la la la. Enough said.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)