I Surrender All...

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to Thee
My blessed Savior
I surrender all.

Do these lyrics sound familiar?  This is a beautiful hymn written by Rev. Judson Wheeler Van De Venter in 1896.  No offense to his parents, but that name is a MOUTHFUL.  I think I would've just not given my child a middle name if we were set on naming him Judson and had a last name like Van De Venter.  Phew. 

On a more serious note, Rev. Judson wrote this hymn as a response to his personal struggle with the Lord to give up his full time work as a supervisor of the arts at a high school in Sharon, PA and to enter full time music evangelism.  (He was a talented singer!)  He wrestled with this decision for 5 years.  Finally falling on his knees he told God, "If You want me to give my full time to Thy work, I'll do it, I surrender all to Thee."  (Morgan, Robert J. Then Sings My Soul - Special Edition)  For the next several years, he travelled throughout the US, England, and Scotland, preaching the Message of Christ. 

In 1923, he moved to Tampa, FL to teach hymnology at Florida Bible Institute.  After several years, he retired but still returned to campus to lecture or speak in the chapel.  In the 1930's, Rev. Judson was speaking at the university and what he had to say captured one of the students in the lecture hall.  Rev. Judson probably had no idea the influence that taking place and the Divine Appointment that lecture must have been.  The wide-eyed student, listening intently, was Billy Graham. 

We sang this hymn today in church.  I'm writing about it, because while singing it, I made a very careless error...an error that honestly revealed the natural state of my heart.  I wanted to share this with you, because I feel certain I'm not the only one that struggles with this.  Here is what I sang before catching myself:

I surrender all
I surrender all
All to ME
My blessed Savior
I surrender all.

The immediate realization of what I'd just sung ripped me out of my worshipful stance (sometimes I sing with my eyes closed and hands raised...) and I shook my head...thinking "I didn't mean to say that."

But did I...mean to?

All to me.  Selfish.  Naturally selfish.  Born selfish.  Sinfully selfish.  Subtly selfish.  Obviously selfish.  Quietly selfish.  Obnoxiously selfish.  All to me.  I surrender all...as long as it's to me.  That is a natural response of a sinful heart.  Every one of us has this heart problem.  We are ALL naturally, born selfish people.  Me, me, me me mememememe!!!!!!!!!!  Isn't this what you inwardly cry sometimes...what about me???  I do.  I so do.  Just ask my husband if you don't believe me. 

I could have easily sloughed this off of my shoulders as an easy mistake...Thee and me rhyme for crying out loud.  Honest mistake, right?  Honest admittance is more like it.  Honest confession.  I've not been able to get it out of my head all day.  I'm selfish.  And I'm not proud of it.  It shows up in little ways and in not so little ways.  Here is just one of many examples:

I don't generally do the dishes in my house (hubby and I have this agreement...don't be jealous)...but occasionally the dishes sit for longer than I'd like by the sink, soaking, or just sitting and waiting.  And I'll see them...perfectly capable of doing them myself...and I'll say something like, "Hey, do you want help with the dishes?"  But in my heart I'm really saying "I am reminding you to do them and I have no intention of helping.  Surfing on my computer or phone is WAY more important to me than doing the dishes."  I could say to him, "Babe, you like you're enjoying what you're doing; why don't I do the dishes tonight?" 

But my MO is to be selfish.

I'm thankful for Christ's death and resurrection...this gives me freedom from the dominion of sin in my life.  This does not mean that I'll never sin again...it means sin no longer holds any power over me.  Because of Christ, I am free.  Free from the death of sin.  Forgiven from my sin.  Redeemed from my sin.

To Him, and Him only...I surrender all.