Finding Hope Amidst Impatience and Grief

The past few weeks I've found it very hard to be patient and content with where I am in life right now.  I'm not sure why I've been so pouty about it lately...all I know is that I have been and it's not good.  The things that I want and desire are good things but being all  "down in the dumps" about not having these things right NOW....not-so-good.  (cue:CanyoutellthatIworkinapreschool?)

Things I have yearned for lately include:

1. A kitten:)  If you're a cat person, this needs no explanation whatsoever.  If you're a dog person, imagine it says "A puppy" and you'll get the picture.

2. A house to have the kitten play in.  No I don't mean a kitty playhouse...I mean an adult house so that I don't have to give our apartment complex some outrageous pet fee just to save a sweet little kitten from getting euthanized at an overcrowded shelter.  If I can adopt the kitten for under $20 why do apartment complexes think they have the right to charge like $300 to keep it in my apartment????  Sheesh.  Also, paying rent is like throwing money away...and even though I understand that we have NO CLUE where we'll be in July 2014 (thus why we have to rent right now) and that it would be silly to buy a house for only 1.5 years of guaranteed living in it.....I just.....ugh.  Eventually it would be kinda nice to own something house-like...(soIcangetakitten).

3. Kids...this is in two parts...
             A. I'm reaching a point where I'd like to have a baby.  At least in theory.  In reality, I just think I'd be really cute pregnant (which is probably a big fairy tale...like watching Disney movies and expecting relationships to be like that)...The idea of having a baby sounds like fun...until you see a frazzled new mom who doesn't get enough sleep and the baby cries allthetime!!!!!!!!  That doesn't sound like fun...so on to part B.
             B. Hubby and I feel overwhelmingly called to adopt.  I cannot tell you how awesome it is to live in an area and go to a church where adoptions are very common:)  I've learned a lot from talking to people and it gets me all jittery excited for us to start the process.  I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to waste time with things.  I'd love for us to have started paperwork yesterday but realistically that is just not where we are right now.  For a lot of reasons.

4. Then Friday happened.  I'm a teacher...close in age to at least 2 of the teachers that were killed at Sandy Hook.  I'm a sister.  I'm a wife.  I'm heartbroken over what happened.  I spent the bulk of both Friday and Saturday crying, praying, and texting all of my teacher friends telling them how much I love them and adore them and wish I could hug them.  I miss my students from NC.  This weekend brought that to light.  So I yearn for Jesus to come back, end this suffering, take me Home, and bring justice to this world. Romans 8:18-25 We yearn, we wait, we groan in waiting.

Throughout the past few weeks, when I've felt particularly overcome with a pity party or overwhelmed with grief, I've turned to a song.  This song was introduced to me by the worship director at our church when someone you know decided it would be a good idea to join the Christmas Choir (hint - it was me, and it was not the best idea I assure you - but it was fun).  He gave everyone a cd of the music we'd be singing.  And really, up until the past 2 weeks I hadn't been practicing on my own at all and thus hadn't been listening to the cd, even though it's been in my car.  But a few weeks ago we practiced this song for the bulk of our practice time and I knew...this song gave me the Hope I needed to emerge from the stupid pity parties I was throwing.  It's so powerful.  And it's the perfect reminder in light of my silly self, in light of the horror of Friday, in light of Christmas.

I've listened to it or sang it probably over 50 times in the past weeks...letting it remind me that He is here, and He's here to save.  I'm so thankful I'm never alone.  I'm so thankful that He is here to save me and love me and comfort me.  I hope and pray that this song provides you with comfort and peace, reminding you what Christmas is really all about.

You can listen to it by clicking on the link below and watch a powerful video to go along with it.
"Here With Us" By Joy Williams

I'm ready...

...for Christmas!

Someone asked me last week if I was ready for Christmas and I responded with an excited, YES! 

Here are reasons why I'm ready...in no particular order:

1. We picked out a lovely 7ft. Fraser Fir courtesy of Home Depot on Nov. 27 and my sweet hubby put all the lights on that same night!

2. All of the ornaments were placed on the tree, plus some silver icicley things I bought last year by Nov. 28.

3.  As of a few days ago, ALL of my Christmas shopping/gifting AND wrapping is COMPLETE!  Phew.

4. Our stockings are hung by the digital piano with care.

5. The Christmas dishes and place mats have been making an appearance since Nov. 26.

6. I bought cute decorations a week after Christmas LAST YEAR at 90% off the original price and got to use them THIS YEAR!  I have garland on our banister, snowmen at the 1/2 way point on our stairs, over 30 new ornaments, and a Happy Holidays welcome mat. 

               6a.  My mom moved into a new house and the people living there previously gave her a lot of their old things...and she gave what she didn't want to me and my sister!  Score:)  So I walked away with even more ornaments and a wreath for our front door!!!!

7. Our church is beautifully decorated!

8.  The children's choir sang last week and the adult choir is singing next week - so fun!

9.  I got a manicure (for free!) last week and made sure the color was as close to Christmas red as humanly possible.

10.  We've attended our first of 3 Christmas parties already:)  Yay for meeting hubby's work friends!

11. We went to the Oak Ridge Christmas Parade last night and it was so much fun.  There were over 100 floats to see.  It was a great parade, and we got some free candy to boot!

12. We have a basic traveling plan already laid out. 

13. The series at our church this month is called Glimpse.  We are going through the OT looking at glimpses of our Savior who is coming.  It has been very good and rewarding.

14. I'm eagerly anticipating the celebration of Jesus' arrival.  My Deliverer.  Immanuel.  God with me.

Are you ready?

Honestly now, this is the first year where I'm not seriously stressing about this holiday.  It's very tempting to get stressed this time of year.  But because of #14 on my list, I don't have to stress.  And you don't either.  He is coming.  Whether your gifts are all bought, wrapped, and delivered on time, or not...whether your tree is up or not...whether you've drank egg nog already or not...He is coming...whether you visit your family or not...whether you sing carols or bah humbug your way through the season, Christ is coming.  For you.  For me.

He is coming because we need saving, and He loves us that much...to humble Himself in the form of man, to walk on earth, and deliver us from sin's grasp.  He is coming to offer you freedom.  This Christmas season, will you be set free?  Or will you remain wrapped up in just a "snuggie" feel good Jesus that sounds nice, and looks cute in a nativity scene...never to really impact your life at all. 

It's your choice.

30th Day of Thanksgiving

Well it's the last day of November.  I can't believe how fast this month has flown by.  I made a goal at the beginning of the month to blog every day about something I was thankful for.  I didn't quite follow it religiously but I have still put forth a good effort I think.  With that said, here is my last one:

Day 30 - I'm thankful that I know and serve a God that hears and answers prayers. 

I've been going through a lot emotionally this week and today I finally feel hopeful.  I know that it's because I spent a better part of yesterday evening talking to God and letting Him know what I was struggling with.  Today I know He's lifted some of that burden by reminding me that He desires to encourage me strongly.  And as long as I have Him, hope is NEVER lost.

Amen.

PS. If I blogged about this topic already I don't care.  God deserves more blogs than anything else:)

Behind! 26-27-28-29

26 - I'm thankful for the opportunities Hope Resource Center provides for women to hear about Jesus.

27 - I'm thankful for Christmas trees and how they smell!

28 - I'm thankful that it's okay to tell God how we really feel. 

29 - I'm thankful for my fluffy robe that keeps me warm in the mornings.


Sorry I've not kept up with this very well right after Thanksgiving.  One more day left!

Days 24 & 25 of Thanks

Day 24 - My Grammy

She's 80 ya'll!  I love her so much.  She is smart, funny, brutally honest, a believer, a quilter, and an amazing grandmother.  I love having so many family gatherings at her house!  Even if she falls asleep while we are playing games:)  She makes the best food (rolls!) and is truly a genuine person. 

Day 25 - Christmas Music

Hey, it's after Thanksgiving so rock on the Christmas Cheer! 

Fa la la la la la la la la.  Enough said.

Day 21-23

We have been traveling so I hope you can forgive my slight lack of blogging.  These posts will be short but sweet!

Day 21 - My sissy, Mandy!!!!!!!!!

She told me she'd been waiting for this post:)  Well here it is.  We went shopping together on Wednesday and it was so much fun to spend time with her.  It's never enough.  I hope our dream comes true of one day being little old ladies and living next door to each other.  That would be sweet.  She's my twin soul.  My best friend.  And the only one that can randomly bust out in song with me, or understand my crazy childhood movie quotes!  I love her so much.  She just got married and though I love her man, I'm jealous.  He gets to spend way more time with her than me.  But alas, life goes on doesn't it?  Truly, she's amazing.  We are so alike and so different at the same time.  But most importantly, she's my blood...fo life yo!

Day 22 - Delicious Food

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  What was your favorite Thanksgiving treat?  I ate a lot of delicious yummies.  My favorite is sweet potato casserole and then probably any kind of pie!


Day 23 - My dad

He's an awesome dude.  He's taught me so much about adult things like how to check the tire pressure on my car, balance my budget, plan ahead for things, make things out of wood, be resourceful, have fun, etc.  I love my dad.  He's a big teddy bear! 

19 & 20 Thanksgivings

#19 - Mentors

Hubby and I had our match meeting yesterday!  No, I'm not talking about eHarmony style but I am talking about our Amachi match meeting.  Now, what is Amachi you may ask?  Amachi Knoxville is an organization that pairs Christian mentors with kids from 3 or 4 to 18 years old who have at least one biological parent that is incarcerated.  As mentors we commit to spending at least 1 hour per week (4 hours a month) with our mentee and to serve as their mentor for one year. 

Hubbs and I were really hoping for a set of siblings so we could pour into one family together.  Finally, after much waiting, we met them yesterday.  I was matched with a 10 year old girl and Hubbs is matched with her 5 year old brother.  We are very excited to start hanging out with these kids and loving on them and their mother.

I'm very thankful that God has equipped us for the opportunity to mentor them and teach them about Christ.  I'm thankful that we are doing it as a couple so we can grow through this process together.  I'm thankful for people who served as mentors in our lives at different points who helped us grow in our faith and our marriage. 

Major mentors for me personally: Mrs. Knight, my 5th grade teacher; Col. Stephenson, my JROTC instructor for 4 years; Elisa Sisterhen and Erin Coomer, Bible Study leaders in Cru at UNC.

I've learned so much from each one and am thankful for their love towards me. 

Who has been a mentor for you?


#20 - Good health

We take this for granted all of the time don't we?  If you got out of bed this morning with little physical effort involved, walked to the kitchen and fed yourself breakfast...you have A LOT to be thankful for. 

I take my good health for granted every day.  But today, while I was with my sweet special needs kids at work, I was struck again with how blessed I am to be in good health.  Don't get me wrong, kids with special needs are a blessing too, I would never say that they weren't.  But, sometimes it's hard to see kids who may never walk on their own, or be able to form words and tell you what they want, or who can't ever tie their own shoes...or feed themselves.  That's tough stuff.  My hope is that they will learn how to do all those things one day but the fact is, it's possible that they won't.  I'm thankful for the sweetness of their faces, even when they're screaming at you for making them go to the potty, or sit in a chair at the lunch table.  And it really makes me thankful for good health.

When have you been struck with how blessed you are to be alive and well?

Day 18 - Hope

There were about 8 pages of verses on Biblegateway.com when I searched for the keyword "hope".  That's a lot.  If you are feeling hopeless, read the Bible because there were a lot of people who thought they had no hope...and they found it, in God.

Hope by a dictionary's definition is an expectation or desire for a certain thing to happen...or it's a feeling of trust.  So when you see something like this:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13

...know that God created hope so that we in turn would overflow with hope from Him.  He created it!  We are to have hope in Him...that means we are to have desires like His desires and expectations that He will work and move in this life.  Expectations that Jesus will return and judge and redeem everything on Earth.  Expectations that He will provide our daily bread.  That He will comfort our sorrows.  That He will take care of us, love and forgive us.

I'm talking about hope because tonight hubby and I went to a worship celebration for the Hope Resource Center and the unveiling of "Gracie" - the new mobile unit.  OMG:)

If you don't know what I'm talking about - HRC is a pregnancy medical clinic, and all the services are FREE!  It's awesome!  I've started volunteering there and love it. 

Gracie is a donated tour bus (thank you country music singer) who has had a complete makeover.  She'll be hitting the road and going to the far reaches of Knox County and hopefully beyond one day to serve women right in their neighborhoods. 

I have hope that HRC is going to make a huge impact in this city.  I have hope that God isn't finished with this city and has a master plan for the good of the people here.  I have hope that lives will be changed and saved through Gracie's services. 

I'm thankful for hope.

Where does your hope come from?  slash - What do you hope in?

Day 17 - Date Night:)

Hubby and I love spending time together.  When we lived in NC we spent A LOT of time with friends and family, which was awesome.  But...

Now that we've moved we've gotten to spend A LOT of time with each other.  To some people, spending time (oodles and oodles of time) with their spouse may sound like a death sentence (I hope not though - if so, you should seek help...seriously) but hubbs and me...we really love it.

So we do a lot of movie watching.  Netflix is the most wonderful invention for this.  However, since we're in a new town, we decided to try a weekly date night.  Plus, we've heard that it's important to never stop dating your spouse.  So Wednesdays are our tentative date nights, pending something that would require weekend hours.  And we're not being crazy sticklers about it either.  If we can't figure out a way to make date night work every week, we're not kicking ourselves for it.  But it's caused us to be more intentional and to seek creative ways to be together that isn't always a movie...at home. 

Tonight was our date night this week.  We delivered a Thanksgiving Basket to a needy family in a neighborhood our church sponsors.  Our Bible Study put the basket together.  Then we headed to a pizza place with the Bstud friends we dropped off the turkey with.  Hubbs noticed we were eating beside of a cheap movie theater...$2.50 a ticket - sweet!  SO...

After using a halfoffdepot.com voucher on the pizza, getting craft supplies from Michael's for some Christmas gifts, parusing through a furniture store that's going bankrupt, hubby said...

"Hey, I noticed that two movies at that theater were going to start around 7:30, wanna make a date of it?"

Yes, darling.  Of course I do.

So we saw Brave and shared medium drinks and a BIG bag of popcorn for only $12 (this included our movie tickets) - holla!!!!  It was a "couple's special" they were putting on.  Why thank you very much movie theater.

It was an awesome date night. 

Next week is my turn to think of a date idea.  Since we'll be back in my old stomping grounds for the holidays with my family, we might not get a lot of alone time.  But I'll have to get creative I suppose.  Thankfully, that isn't too hard for me to do:)

What is the best date night you and your spouse have had?  Send ideas my way!  Just in case I blank.

16 - New Life

I'm so thankful for new life:)  In the past 48 hours two of my friends have given birth to their first!  Both boys too:)  I'm so excited for them and so thankful for their families. 

I can't wait to meet Adlai Barringer and Crew Christie!  Congratulations to both families on their little ones!!!!!!!!

Day 15 - Books

I love reading.  Today I'm thankful for books and I'm most thankful for the TIME I have to read now.  It's been awhile since I have had this much time to read.  I'm reading a new book I got fo' 25 cents (what up!) at the New Hampshire Library Sale over a year ago.  It's called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.  It's written from the perspective of a teen boy with autism.  I love it so far.  I'm interested to see where it goes.  He's trying to solve a mystery of who killed his neighbor's dog. 

It's relaxing to read for more than 10 minutes at a time.

Looooong, contented sigh:)

14 - sweet vocal chords

I'm thankful for people that can sing beautifully.  Because I just make a joyful noise.  And it's nice that there are those gifted vocal chords out there to cover up my noise when I make silly decisions, like oh say, joining the Christmas Choir at my church. 

What was I thinking?

Sheesh.

13 - Kids

I don't have any...but I teach some awesome ones.

I taught for four years in NC and I miss the kids so much.  I miss seeing them and working with them and teaching them new things...seeing the light bulb go off:)  Gives me chills.  But I don't live there right now...

So I'm out here and the plan was for me to take a year off of full time teaching.  Though the children are the bomb.com there were days that the job wasn't so cool.  It was stressful...and draining.  And it took a toll on me and the hubbs.  It was time for a break. 

However, to keep my foot in the door, just in case...I have been subbing.  And that is the pits.  Honestly, going from teaching full time to subbing...here is what I can't stand about it:

Everything. 

Except the no working at home any more thing and the fact that I can choose what days I wanna do it.  2 HUGE perks.  I know.  Why am I even complaining right? 

I really don't like it though.

TODAY though was my FIRST day with the Special Ed Pre-K Program where I am a part-time assistant.  I work 3 hours every day.  I don't have any work to do at home, except for tonight while I flesh out the Handwriting Without Tears I'm going to be teaching in small groups starting tomorrow-eek!, I have afternoons off, and I don't have to go in until 9am=sleeping in:)

It was so cool.  It reminded me of Camp Royall and of my time working with the sweetest kid who has autism.  Those days bring my heart great joy. 

Because when these kids smile...they ain't faking it for nobody!  Pure, unadulterated joy:)  My fav.

Day 12

I'm thankful for my husband.  Right now he's doing the dinner dishes while I sit and write for a minute.  He almost always does the dishes.  This is a major reason why I married him.  (Not really, but it's certainly a plus!)  I'm thankful that he asked me to marry him.  That he led us spiritually during dating and engagement.  He sought the Lord for wisdom during that time and he continues to seek it in order to lead our marriage with the dignity and grace found in Christ Jesus. 

He's an awesome man.  I'm so incredibly thankful for him.  He just has no idea how much:)

Love you babe!

10 and 11 Thanksgivings

Phew.  Busy weekend kept me from posting each day.

10 - Willing Servants
I'm thankful for people that put their "yes" on the altar for God.  People that say, "Whatever it is Lord, the answer is yes.  I'll do it.  Just show me the way." 
Our church is building a house for a family in need.  It's awesome.  A member of our church is a mentor through the same program we're about to start doing and she saw a need for her mentee's family.  They were finalists to be on the Extreme Home Makeover show and didn't get it.  So the mentor asked our church leaders if there was anything our church could do...the leaders said, "Why don't we build them a new house?"

So hubbs and I found ourselves roofing, hammering, and cleaning up a zillion vines in the yard yesterday.  May I repeat, it was awesome.  To see 40-50 volunteers reach out to this family.  Ya'll, our church is getting this house built in under 2 months.  I'm so thankful to be in a community like this.

11 - My mom
Her birthday is today.  I love her.  She's beautiful and she deserves a great day.  Happy Birthday Mom, I'm thankful for you!

Day 9 of Thanks

Connections

Today I'm thankful for connections...you know, like when you know someone that tells someone else about you for a job...or you overhear someone talking about something or someone that you know you and it's cool because you can say, "Oh me too!"  At least women like to say that a lot. 

One of my connections just helped land me a sweet part-time job at her school.  It's not a teaching position, but it gets my foot in the door.  Plus it will be a steady (small) income that we can count on as extra savings:) 

She told her principal about me and my teaching background, emailed him my resume for me and wham!  Today I went to meet him and the teacher I'll be working with in the Pre-K Special Ed program.  They only need me for 3 hours in the mornings M-F which is cool because it leaves my afternoons free to continue doing the volunteering that I'm doing now.  I'm excited!

Thanks Sarah for being my connection:) 

Who is an awesome connection you have?

7 and 8 Thanks

So I missed yesterday...oops, I'll just double dip today!

#7 - forgiveness

I'm thankful for the never-ending forgiveness of Christ when I sin.
I'm thankful for the forgiveness of my husband when I'm a little less than perfect (ha!)
I'm thankful for how I'm learning how to forgive myself when I make a mistake.

#8 - Smiling People

I have to say, when I walk into a store for something...especially if I need help...it's always so much nicer when the sales rep I talk to has a smile on his/her face.  It makes the process and the store so much more friendly...plus it's contagious.  And did you know, smiling only takes 17 facial muscles while frowning takes over 40!!!!  Smile more, it's good for you:)

Thankful for Freedom

Freedom.  We have the freedom to choose our leaders.  I'm thankful for that.  Many people in this world are not given such a choice.  We have many luxuries here in America that I think we often take for granted.

Ultimately though, I'm thankful for the freedom I've experienced in Christ.  Freedom from sin, from death, from hell, from myself.  Because He paid the price for me on the cross I am free.

Galatians 5:1a "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

Thanksgiving #5 - Community

Today I'm very thankful for community.  Specifically the community I've found among women I've been in Bible Studies with.  I'm so thankful for their honesty, vulnerability, encouragement, accountability, prayers, and love. 

Having other women to pray for you, support you, love on you, and lean on you in return is such a huge blessing to me.  It is proof that we are not meant to do this life alone.  We all need each other. 

I love that.

Day #4 of Thanks - Family

Family is one of those words that either brings good memories or difficult memories to mind...maybe even both.  But like it or not, our family is our family...we didn't chose them.  All of that to say, even when families can sometimes make life tough...I'm still thankful for them.

Hubby's parents were our visitors this weekend.  It was their first time seeing our new place since we moved.  We were so excited to have them with us for a few days.  Our time together was precious, filled with a lot of fun activities, lots of talks and of course laughter. 

I'm quite thankful for my own little family too...just me and hubbs.  We're great together:)  I love getting him all to myself and playing tricks on him or making him laugh or even just curling up for a movie night.  Sigh.  So fun.

What I'm most thankful for is that God sent Jesus to die on the cross so that I could be saved from my sins, and forever adopted into God's family as an heir to the throne.  Being a part of the family of God has been the best family experience anyone can ask for.

Thanksgiving #3 - Pets

Right now I'm thankful for sweet animals...especially our pets.  Hubbs and I don't have any right now but I know SO MANY people that do and today alone, I've learned of several friends who have either lost their dogs within the past 48 hours or whose dogs are sick and not going to make it.  It breaks my heart.

Pets make a huge difference in our lives.  They seem to always be there, unconditionally loving us when all the world is going crazy.  We can count on them.  No matter what. 

So today is my shout-out to the furry and feathery (and scaley I guess too) animals in our lives. 

And to my former kitties, Gracie and Jeannie...I love you and miss you...
And to my former kitties that are no longer living...Fluffy and Tootsie....you were the best:)  Ever.

Do you have a pet?  How has that pet made a difference in your life?

Thankful #2

Today I am so thankful for organizations that are the hands and feet of Jesus.  My hubby and I just returned from a benefit dinner for Bethany Christian Services.  If you've never heard of them before, do yourself a favor and look them up online.  They are good people.  I love volunteering for them.

I am so incredibly thankful for people that really know what it means when the book of James says, "faith without deeds is dead". 

God Bless all Christian organizations that are trying to make this world a place with a little less suffering and a little more Jesus.

Amen.

My in-laws are on their way here right now to visit us.  But I promise I will post on this in more detail sometime, and give you more information about organizations like Bethany that make my heart jump for joy.

A Month of Thanks - Day 1

So I have this "joy journal" and I have to say I've been incredibly slack with it...not because I don't have any joys to write about, because I do...but something that I've learned I really lack sometimes is that little thing called 'self-discipline'.  I think my last entry was like, oh over a month ago - oops.


Therefore I'm going to challenge myself to blog every day this month about something that I'm thankful for.  Feel free to join me if you wish.  I've heard that when we focus on things we're thankful for it can make life sweeter, and for me, it draws my eyes upward to God because it reminds me why I'm thankful in the first place.  In fact, God basically commands us to be thankful if you read Colossians 3:15 the same way I do.  "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful."

That's not a "be thankful only when you feel like it" kind of a sentence.  Nor is it a "please oh please just be thankful for crying out loud" sentence either.  It's stated quite simply, BE thankful.  Meaning all the time, in all things, we are to be thankful.  When is the last time I (any of us) was thankful when I was running late...or when traffic was standing still...or when no mail came for me today...or when dinner burned...or something was lost...or someone was hurting.  Was I thankful then?  Knowing me, I highly doubt it.

But God says through Paul in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Wow.  I need to let that sink in...

Ya'll, following that is freakin' hard!  I can sit here and easily type it all day long but seriously...it's so challenging to always rejoice and pray and be thankful.  I feel like my heart has a lot of room to grow here.  With all that said, I'd like to start some of that growth by simply saying that today I'm thankful for SUNSHINE.  After Sandy came through (which barely affected eastern TN in comparison to many other states), I was so happy to drive with my shades on today.  She brought nothing but (really) cold weather and low, snowy blanket-like clouds.  Eew.  I don't mind a snow here and there, but in October...I can't handle that.  I'm southern to the bone.  Anything below 60 degrees is cold.  In all seriousness, I'm so thankful that God created sunlight and that He let me enjoy that delicious vitamin D today:)  It was just the pick-me-up I needed to kick off November 1.

What about you?  What are you thankful for?

Moving

I'm not sure exactly where to begin, but I suppose a short introduction wouldn't be a bad idea:)

Hi.  I'm Shanda.  No, it's actually ShANda, like panda.  Yeah, with a hint of southern twang please.  I was born and raised in a small town in NC...no culdesac, no neighborhood, just 3 acres of land and woods in a brick house.  My dad built it (with some help of course).  He's kinda awesome.

Fast forward 18 years...

Now I wanna talk a little bit about moving...as you can see from the beginning of this post, there was no move....ever....in my life until:

UNC-Chapel Hill, my first big move.  Best. College. Ever.  Don't argue and don't hate.  You can never change my mind.  Got it?

In my small NC town I was kind of a "big fish" in a "small pond" if you will.  But my pond quickly became and ocean and my status as a "big fish"....well, shrunk.  A lot.  But that was okay because nothing beats being a Tarheel.  Seriously.

My next move was just a hop, skip, and a jump away to Durham.  Not far away from my beloved UNC, but finishing college and starting "real life" was HARD.  Maybe we can go into that story another day. 

I lived in Durham with my Core Four for 2 years, until I met my man:) and married him.  Then I moved again, but still lived in Durham,  I just changed roomies.  Hubbs preferred that he and I live together ya know:).  We were in that apt. for 2 years.

Until now...bum bum bum.

We've made a big move (at least for me) and are now living in Knoxville, TN.  I've never lived in another state before.  Heck, I've never lived more than 1.5 hours away from an immediate family member before.  This is big people. 

When I realized that hubby's local options for post-grad school were more than likely going to take us to a not-so-local place (maybe even out of state), I began praying.  Hard.  You see, I was really freaked out about moving.  I was scared.  I prayed and prayed for God to show us where He wanted us, for Him to prepare a place for us, a church for us, a small group Bible Study, and friends...that He'd go before us, wherever that may be, and get it ready for our arrival.  At the same time, I prayed that He'd work in me and change my heart about it all.  That He'd calm my fears and prepare me for the move. 

I prayed this over and over again, because I was that afraid of being away from a job I liked (most of the time), people I loved, a church where we felt comfortable, a city where I knew the directions, ACC basketball season, UNC blue items in stores, etc. etc. 

If you've not figured this out yet, I don't like change...frankly I just usually don't handle it very well.  At all.  I like to be in control and to know what is coming next.  I hate the gps because it never gives me enough time to prepare for a turn or an exit.  2 miles insn't enough Jane!!!! 

I digress...since I figured out that we'd be moving about a year before we were actually going to be moving, I had a lot of time to pray about it.  And you know what?  God used that time to calm all my fears.  In that time, I think I only freaked out about moving a few times to my friends and family...and honestly, that is pretty good for me.  I cried about it like twice...not bad for someone who despises change huh? 

Not only did God calm my fears about moving, He actually planted a seed of excitement about it.  (Well, not about the option that would have taken us to northern NY but that is another story.)  Instead of focusing on all the things that could be sad or scary, I started focusing on things I thought I might like:)  I became excited about seeing new sights, doing new things, meeting new people, finding a new church, and even living a little further away from family (not that I don't love them, I do, I promise...but a little distance never hurt anyone every now and then, right?) 

I have to say, that God has really blown me away with this and I'm quite joyful.  This move could have been so much harder on me and therefore on hubbs too...but it's been a lot of fun:)  God blessed us...we found a church quickly, I got plugged into volunteering activities early, we've joined a community group and a Bible Study with other young married couples, and heck, we're even making friends!  And though I still can't stand Jane (gps)...I'm learning to rely on her because I still have no idea where I'm going most of the time yet.  It's a relationship in progress, let me tell you.

All that to say, I'm really glad I trusted God on this one, because I know if I'd left it entirely up to me, I'd have gone through dozens of tissue boxes by now and probably been depressed and pitiful.  I'm so thankful for His provision through this whole process.  Hubbs couldn't be in a better job right now and we love Knoxville.  We are really happy here and I have God to thank for that.

My First Offering

I have to be honest, I've been a little envious of everyone that has entered the blogging world already....I felt I was missing out on something for a long time.  I had this strange idea that my life wasn't complete if I didn't have a blog, and reading everyone else's was so much fun.  It somehow made their lives seem way more fun and interesting than mine.  At one point I even rationalized that there was no point in spreading all of my private stuff on the internet for the world to see.  I thought it was just plain stupid to be so open with things that I'd only previously wrote about in my journals...(secretly I was jealous of everyone that was already dishing about their lives online).

Well, I eventually realized that I wasn't missing out on anything in particular.  I even let go of the idea that posting my life was stupid because I started to read people's blogs and I'd actually learn something...either about them, or about faith, or letting go, etc.  I'd have my heart broken over something or I'd rejoice with the blogger when she experienced joy.  I felt connected...to friends I've known since college, or to complete strangers in other states, but connected nonetheless. 

Once I reached that point, the struggle entered in.  Would I have anything interesting to say that wasn't just a regurgitation of a bazillion blogs I've seen already?  Would I actually really post about the hard things...could I actually put it out there for people like my family to read...even the "secrets"?  Well, we'll just have to see. 

I don't have anything like a cute baby to post about (like many other girls my age...at least not yet anyway).  Nor do I have a cute house to decorate...and I don't even have a full time job to post diatribes about either.  No pets to ooo and aaah at.  (But my fingers are crossed for a kitten by next Christmas.) 

Here is what I do have to offer the potentially interested cyber world:

1. My faith.
2. My marriage.
3. My heart.
4. My strengths & insecurities.
5. My life...when it's mundane, crazy, normal, and beautiful.
6. If there is more than that, you and I will be discovering it at about the same time:)

So I hope you're happy with that.  I am.