What I'm Most Afraid of is Day 7:
I thought about this during my drive to school this morning. I couldn't think of anything really "legit". I mean sure, I thought of things like ants, spiders, snakes, the dark, heights, scary movies, thunder...but I had a hard time substantiating anything into a "huge fear" of mine. Until right now, when I remembered the root or deeper issue to why I fear those things in the first place.
I am most afraid of not being in control. Now, the irony is, that as a Christ-follower, I know I never had any sense of control in the first place. Only God is control. But as a sinner, I crave control. That was the very first sin ever committed. If you read back in Genesis 2 you'll read a story of a perfect place called Eden, where God dwelt with Adam and Eve and all of His Creation. Everything was good. One day, Satan, in the form of a serpent has a game-changing conversation with Eve. He talks to her about the Tree of Good and Evil. Read their conversation here from Genesis 3:1-6:
3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but
God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the
middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
There are probably a million things going through Eve's mind during this conversation but I can about guarantee you that one of this is something like this..."You mean God is holding out on me? He knows more than I do? I want to know as much as God does! It's not fair that He gets to know everything!" Ladies and gentlemen, this is a cry for control. "I want to be in control and know it all. I want to be in control of what I know and what I don't know, secrets are not okay with me! God doesn't have the right to keep stuff from Adam and me!" Control. The need to be in control. The desire to have control. The, "I'll do whatever it takes to gain more control" kind of mentality. We've all felt it at some point. We hate feeling out of control. Who ever has told you when asked, How's your day going? replied, "It's spinning out of control and I'm loving every second of it!" Who says that? Not I. And not Eve either.
Eve's desire to take control out of the hands of God and into her hands was the first sin. And ever since then, as children of Adam and Eve, (women in particiular) strive to have control over things and people.
Fighting against that is a battle of the heart and mind and soul. A battle against my sinful nature, ingrained in me since birth; and a battle against the fear of not having control.
A Piece of Advice for Others is Day 8:
Don't eat yellow snow.
No, seriously.
Okay, but on a much more serious note...this is the best advice I've ever received, thanks Erin Coomer for speaking this Truth into my life that one afternoon at Panera, my junior year at UNC. I'll never forget it. I'll never stop thanking you for it either.
Cease striving. He IS God.
(Psalm 46:10 - paraphrase mine)
I'm happy to elaborate further on the meaning of this verse if you'd like. Please feel free to ask. But honestly...it is most impactful standing on its own.
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